i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
organizing the empties. That sober.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
