you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Four minutes until I can fart!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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