Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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