there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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