why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
