and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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