so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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