And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
