The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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