that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
