She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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