Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
