I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
