ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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