i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
