I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
