wrigley field is MILF paradise
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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