Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
