I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
