Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
