You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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