Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We need to get me chipped asap
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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