Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
