At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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