If that was your dad, he is hot
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
