too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
