who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
