also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
