I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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