Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i've created a new STD.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
