Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
