she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
