with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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