hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
