Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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