3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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