? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
