Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
