Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
