wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
