he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
