Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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