I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
