he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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