You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
