Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
