i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
