Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
50% drunk capacity currently
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
