Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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