Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
