i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
