these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
