how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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