just survived the first fart of the relationship.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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