my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
